Social distancing vs. PMADs isolation
This shirt is meant to bring some levity because it perfectly summarizes my feelings about COVID-19 by way of a Blanche Devereaux quote.
My fellow PMADs folx - is any of this social distancing business feeling familiar?
Or are you a person whose partner battled PMADs?
Social distancing has brought back a bunch of feelings I experienced while I was in the throws of PMADs (perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.) I can’t imagine it’s not doing the same for other people.
If you’ve ever wondered what PMADs might feel like, perhaps what’s going on right now will help with that. Granted social distancing, IMO, is a cute version of it but it’s enough to kick up some of my depression.
If you’re someone who has not had any connection to PMADs, perhaps this entire experience will provide a small window into what the experience is like.
Similarities: PMADs & social distancing
Zero control over anything (maybe a negligent amount, if we’re being generous.) Going out, seeing people, doing the things you normally would do with your own time, etc. has been predetermined for you, and all you can do is wait until someone tells you you can resume.
Isolation Little or no contact with other people because this tiny person (or people if multiple babies!) needs you to do absolutely everything aside from breathing.
Irritability, which I sometimes take out on the kids.
Self-doubt The feeling that I’m making all the wrong decisions - i.e. Not enough educational time for my 4.5 year old but also have no f*cking clue what I’m doing, too much screen time, not enough attention for either of them which of course, will ultimately lead to the issues they will have as adults, etc.)
Relentless fatigue. I could fall asleep any time. Truly, any time. I’m that tired. And then I try not to feel bad about choosing sleep over exercise because that’s what will happen EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Comfort eating as a result of relentless fatigue and quite frankly, because it’s f*cking comforting. I have absolutely gone for what is easiest to consume or takes the least energy because I feel I don’t have much of that these days.
LITTLE TO NO BREAK from childcare. And when there is a transition to work, it’s immediate. Switching modes with a literal staircase for the transition is very abrupt.
Thanksgiving, 2015. PPD+PPA had kicked in. All I remember about this Thanksgiving is sobbing in my aunt’s bedroom as I tried everything I could think of to get him to stop crying and nothing was working.
Fall, 2015. A walk around Greenpoint, Brooklyn. PPD+PPA set in.
Truth be told after having a newborn and PPD+PPA (unknowingly) set in, I unconsciously kept waiting for life to go back to “normal.”
It feels silly to think it and even write it because hypothetically anyone knows that life before kids is a different galaxy than it is after kids. I didn’t even realize I was thinking it until at least 6-8 months after my first was born. I kept waiting for him to stop teething, or reach that milestone, or start walking, or…. Once all those things happened, then life would go back to “normal” (i.e. my old normal.)
It never really clicked that I was dealing with a new normal until it did.
Brooklyn Half Marathon, 2017. I challenged myself to train for this and do it because I needed motivation and a specific goal to exercise regularly again. Here I was still going through my first attempt at treatment and it was not working.
So what can we do?
Accept this as the new normal.
Instead of resisting or resenting the reality every morning, it’s so much easier to acknowledge what’s happening and make a plan within those parameters.
Seriously, y’all, this is not going to change tomorrow. THIS IS IT FOR NOW. It is so much easier to adjust your sails than it is to change direction of the wind.
I mean, also, it’s impossible to change the wind in any capacity. I’m just sayin.
Things will eventually improve, but life will not go back exactly as it was because it can’t. Too many aspects of our society have been affected for things to be exactly the same. That should be expected as well.
My attempts at adjusting my sail during social distancing:
Wake up before my kids get up so I don’t start the day in chaos. (Not gonna lie - this one isn’t as successful.)
Exercise (morning would be ideal, but not always realistic.) Even if this means I just go for a walk 1-2 times a day with the kids, that’s what it is.
Make sure I’m drinking enough water. It helps me sleep better, my insides feel better, I don’t crave Diet Coke as much, etc.
Keep my “night off” schedule with my husband, which means I don’t participate in bedtime routine. After dinner, I can do whatever. Granted, my options are seriously limited in terms of location, but even if I spend the entire night alone watching Netflix it is MUCH needed.
Attempt to make the healthiest food choices I can when my anxiety level is not at peak point. But also, not beat myself up if at the end of all this I need to ramp up my exercise and eating habits.
Whatever “adjusting your sails” is for you, DO THAT.
For the love of all that is holy, take care of your mental health and do not downplay its significance in getting through this dumpster fire. We will get through this because that’s what humans do, but also because there is no other way out.
Like all other dumpster fires in life (be it disease, healing from trauma, etc.) the only way out is through.
Stay safe and healthy.
With warmth and gusto,