Vulnerability, as it pertains to relationships and how we navigate them, can be pretty scary. This is especially true if you have a tendency to act out of character when you’re feeling out of character.

For example, I’m typically not a condescending person. However, I have a trigger brought on by one of the relationships in my life that involves being addressed in a condescending manner. My knee-jerk reaction when I feel that vibe from another person (whether intended by that individual or not) is to match their tone and then some.

Rarely do I have the wherewithal in the moment to say to the person addressing me, “Hey, your tone sounds a bit condescending, but I’m not sure if that’s your intention.”

NOPE.

The thing is, though, that the people who genuinely love you will stick around, will listen and will accept your vulnerability. It’s not that acting like a complete a-hole is okay, but if you can identify why you’re acting like an a-hole and then let people in to see that, 9/10 times the relationship gets that much stronger.

The Girls show us how to be vulnerable in ways that can strengthen our relationships:

Blanche

I cry every Thursday night.
Our confident, no strings attached unapologetically sexual Blanche confides in her friends that it’s hard being Blanche Devereaux. Just like anyone else, she feels loneliness with her lifestyle and sticking to shallow guys and shallow relationships. Undoubtedly, as we see pan out, this makes it easier for her to keep an emotional distance and ultimately, unlikely to experience the heartbreak she felt when George passed.
Blanche definitely has the most difficult time being vulnerable as it pertains to her romantic relationships, but also sometimes even with her closest friends. She didn’t reveal this to the Girls until well into Season 6!
When I first started telling family and friends about my PMADs, most folx were caught completely off guard. I felt extremely exposed but also, relieved. And almost 100% of the folx I told received it with love and understanding.

Dorothy

I didn’t want to share my memories.
I’d argue that Dorothy’s Achilles heel is her relationship with Stan. From the cheating and how the divorce was handled to almost getting back together and then almost getting re-married, Dorothy has a difficult time walking away from this very significant relationship. And when we’ve invested that much of ourselves into another human, it’s understandable that we’d want to be able to maintain that connection and experience as our own.
Dorothy asks Blanche to spend time with Stan as a favor and when Blanche and Stan end up platonically bonding, Dorothy can’t handle it. She accuses Blanche of sleeping with her ex-husband it causes a pretty legit rift in their friendship. Dorothy storms over to Stan’s hotel, convinced that Blanche is there only to discover that Blanche is a way better friend than Dorothy assumed, and is not in fact sleeping with him.
Clearly, Dorothy’s reaction was part jealousy and as she states, part that she wanted that relationship and experience to remain hers and hers only. It wasn’t so much that she wanted to be with Stan herself; she just didn’t want to share that relationship with anyone else.

Sophia

I just wanted to hear someone say ‘I love you’ to me one more time.
Y’all - I think we can all admit to acting out or making decisions in our romantic lives out of fear, loneliness or heartbreak.
For example, I can think of at least two longer term relationships in which I stayed in it six months longer than necessary. Part of this was because I thought that it was just a rough patch and was unsure if the plug should get pulled. Also, with each breakup I remember the fear creeping in: “What if no one else ever loves me again"?”
Ridiculous, I know. Purely from a mathematical perspective, the odds are that absolutely someone will love me again. However when you’re in it and you’ve only seen and experienced what you’ve seen and experienced, hoping there is more out there is 100% a leap of faith.
And that sh*t can be scary.

Rose

I have tried, I just haven’t told you! I’ve had dozens of job interviews…no one wants me! I can’t afford not to work. I need something to do with my life. I never think of myself as old, but everyone else does. Maybe I am old: old and useless, and terrified.
Oof. I’ve had this experience. I’m sure many people have had this experience and depending on the economy, how saturated your field is, what you’re striving to do, etc. it can feel like you’re on a stage with a huge spotlight on you and everyone around you is sitting in the audience, waiting to see what you will do next and then what will happen as a result of what you do.
Unless you’re a performer as your profession, this feeling is awful.
But the truth is that those who love you just want to help. They believe in you and they are not judging you. Rose tells the Girls and they end up sprucing up her resume. BOOM. That’s what people do when they love and believe in you.

Let people in, y’all.

Ultimately, it will never steer you wrong. Your relationships will either get stronger or they will dissipate. And if they dissipate, it wasn’t your vulnerability that ended it.

With warmth and gusto,

“If Tony calls, tell him I faked it!”